After a decade of experimenting with various start-ups, never sure where the money would come from, I suddenly found myself in the hiring process for a real job with the mission organization I work for now. I was pretty excited by the prospect of working with this group and I wanted to make a good impression. Here are three stories of how that went.

1. Interview

On my way to meet the board’s personnel committee, I asked the Holy Spirit how he wanted me to handle the interview. I heard “Just be yourself”. OK, that’s not a good idea. I’m pretty sure this is a conservative denomination and that won’t go over well. I might not get the job. Or, I might disobey Jesus….

So they started asking questions and listening to my story and asking more questions and then it happened. “What did you learn from the church split you experienced?” Here goes. “I learned that churches can have demons.” OK, I’m not great at picking up on people’s nonverbal communication, but it was hard to miss the board members flinching, wincing, shuffling and generally looking uncomfortable. After that my prospective new boss asked all the questions, throwing me softballs. Somehow I got the job, and with it the freedom to be me.

2. First Team Meeting

My new boss wanted to introduce me to the team I’d lead, so he had invited me do devotions on a video call with the leaders responsible for each of the continents we work in. I read the scripture passage the night before and it included Micah 1:8 “because of this I will weep and wail”. I told God if he wanted me to weep and wail, he’d have to move it in my heart, as I wasn’t feeling anything. Suddenly I was facedown on my bed in anguish over the state of the church and the lost, heaving tears of grief. Here we go again.

The next day I went into the office and a few of us gathered around a microphone in the middle of a conference room table. The regional leaders appeared on the big screen one by one, looking like you would imagine for a group where half of them had doctorates in mission and they all spoke multiple languages. They were probably a little tenuous about their new boss. Stoic.

I read the passage and started praying. The Spirit came upon me like he did the night before and I started wailing in intercession. Groaning. Loudly. Strings of snot dangling as I Ieaned over the microphone in the agony of my soul. At some point I looked up and nobody had moved. I don’t know what they were thinking but somehow that worked out. They let me on the team, with the freedom to follow the Spirit in all situations.

3. First Board Meeting

I found the first board meeting somewhat intimidating. A dozen older folk with backgrounds in business, or ministry careers, or one was a doctor. Lots of motioning and seconding and approving of minutes and reports. But in the evening, we had a guest in with a report of what God was doing in Myanmar in the midst of horrific suffering. It was inspiring. Really captured the heart of mission.

That was followed by a time of worship. We were in two circles, with the board members in the front row and some senior staff in the second row. One of my co-workers had his guitar and started us out with a “Jesus Loves Me” kind of song. I could feel in my spirit that was not what God wanted. This wasn’t a time for inward reflection on our personal salvation. It was a time of declaring the praises of God and interceding for the nations.

I had a decision to make. If I cave in to people-pleasing in the first meeting, when would I ever act courageously? I tried to signal to him, but he didn’t see me. So I went toward him. I tripped on the chair leg right in front of me, bumped in to some nice board lady, apologized quickly, then strode across the floor to the worship leader. “Wrong song!” I said a few times on the way over there, but people were singing loudly and he had his eyes closed. So I touched him on the shoulder. He opened his eyes and kept singing and playing while trying to figure out what I was doing in his face. “Stop playing. It’s the wrong song.” He stopped playing and just stared at me.

I can’t recall exactly what I said to the group. I just remember my voice was doing that cracking thing that happens to me when I get overwhelmed with anxiety. Finally a co-worker rescued me, “I think what Doug is trying to say is….” and we switched songs and it was great. I felt like a fool in front of the people I wanted to impress, but I overcame my fear and responded to God in the moment. And several board members thanked me afterward for steering the worship into a better place.

Reflections

Looking back, were any of those actions necessary? Logically, how much did any of them matter? Yet I needed to obey God rather than be afraid of man. So to me it was important, even just to clarify to myself who I was serving.

It also created space for me to be me, and to follow the Spirit. There was no bait-and-switch. They all knew what they were getting. If I would have followed worldly advice to come across as wise and strong, I would have tried to impress them all and never received the freedom I now have.

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” – 1 Corinthians 1:26-31