Eventually by the grace of God I realized that I was stressing out about something. That’s often masked for me as I push aside my emotions to continue getting stuff done. But God has ways of getting my attention these days, and he cut through all my productivity to show me there’s an issue.

Eventually by the grace of God I realized was trying to control the situation. Thinking things through. Running best and worse case scenarios. Talking with Jesus a lot. Losing sleep some nights. Researching options with ChatGPT. Talking with my wife. Having a new idea every few hours. Once in a while having my stomach tighten when I had certain thoughts.

Eventually by the grace of God I realized my problem was fear. Fear is what motivates me to try to control my circumstances. But who was I afraid of? I ran through the various people involved and couldn’t sense anything intimidating about them. They’re not out to get me and don’t really have any significant power anyway.

Eventually by the grace of God I realized that I was afraid of the powers and principalities. Some hidden, evil force that could mess with people’s judgement, steer decisions, confuse communication, twist motives and trick us all into going the wrong direction. I was afraid they could trap me into saying things I didn’t mean, burning bridges, creating unnecessary conflict.

Eventually by the grace of God I realized that this is the opposite of everything I’ve been learning the last few months. Jesus is King over them all: powers, people, everything. I believe that, but I wasn’t acting like it. I was letting myself be intimidated by powers that no longer have any authority.

Eventually by the grace of God I realized that I didn’t need encouragement. I needed to repent. I was submitting to evil powers instead of King Jesus. Time for a 180 degree turn. So, without anything changing in my circumstances, without any word from the Lord about how it was going to go, and without any plan at all, I just repented. I said to God, “I will not fear. You are with me.” Just resolved to believe.

Immediately by the grace of God I felt a wave of love, joy and peace flood through my being. Seemed like it welled up from the Spirit within me. Or maybe it came from somewhere slightly behind me. Anyway, it was tangible, powerful evidence of Jesus’s presence. Most of the people I’ve shared this with recognize the experience. I’m calling it The Big Whoosh. Hallelujah!