My dad was pretty quiet. To his credit, he was more talkative than his father, who didn’t see the value of conversation at all. He would have potential farm workers over for lunch, and only hire the ones who managed to eat without saying a word. But for me, I wish we could have talked more. He was a good man.

Our most meaningful conversation was over twenty years ago, six weeks after he was in a bad car accident which put him in intensive care. As he regained consciousness, he was still being affected by the “big drugs”, and said a lot hilarious things, like:

• “There was a blue squirrel running around the ceiling all night”
• “When I get out of here, I’m going to take my granddaughter for a nice dinner, with wine and everything” (she was two)
• (whispering) “Stalin had a meeting downstairs. I think they’re planning….”

Interwoven with his nonsensical statements, another side of him came out, that I had never heard so clearly:

• “I can’t wait to get to heaven and see Jesus face to face”
• “God’s love is so wonderful; he has all my worship”
• “I love you, son; you warm my heart”

When his brain wasn’t working, with his filters removed, he was more loving. The nurses said most people go the other way (use your imagination) but my dad just overflowed with gratitude toward them.

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. – Luke 6:45

At the time, I remember thinking: I hope one day when my filters aren’t working that I can be like my dad. But I couldn’t quite picture how I was going to get the goodness I had on the outside to sink deep enough to fill my soul.

I now realize that the good in my heart is Jesus. My problem is not trying to be good, it’s turning off my second-guessing brain so the Holy Spirit can overflow out of me.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. – Galatians 2:20