Sometimes I wake up full of joy. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes my flesh wants a lot of sympathy.

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh. – Romans 13:14

Here’s part of my journal from two mornings ago. This is how I clothed myself in the Lord Jesus Christ.

🟢 = Me. ⚪️ = God.

🟢 I confess I lost focus yesterday. ⚪ Because? 🟢 I got discouraged by:

• 🟢 ____ is upset with me. ⚪ Why are you pursuing him? 🟢 I’m trying out asking you for something specific, so I can risk being disappointed. ⚪ And? 🟢 It’s all happening. And it’s pushing all my buttons. And it’s good. You’re good. So I keep asking. Lord, I know you have this taken care of. Thank you.
• It’s not working out for ____. ⚪ I am showing him how this works. He is living my gospel. The fruit will follow. 🟢 He was before. ⚪ It’s not about that, you know. 🟢 Timing? ⚪ My ways. 🟢 Encourage his soul.
• ____ says it won’t work. ⚪ He’s right. You know that too. 🟢 I tell him to be free in you. Because that works. Faith and love. Not systems. ⚪ What is “works”? Yes, that works.
• ____ is unchanged. ⚪ You expected? 🟢 Freedom through suffering. ⚪ It depends how you respond. She has focused on her job now. The suffering is lessened. The fruit is few. And you, by the way, were not helping. 🟢 I’m sorry. Lazy. No faith. Little love. I blew it. Forgive me! ⚪ You are forgiven from that and so much more. 🟢 I’m awake again now. ⚪ Barely, but yes you are.
• ____ gave up on us. ⚪ She sees clearly, but responds poorly. She wants a ministry job to protect herself from pain, but I have her right where I want her. It’s just not time for her yet.
• ____ sees the dysfunction. ⚪ Why does this bother you? 🟢 You’re so patient. Can we send people who are so messed up? ⚪ I did. I have. And I will. 🟢 Me too.
• ____ just wants to play video games. ⚪ Not everyone is ready. 🟢 But it’s such good news. ⚪ You’re not ready. 🟢 When I get paralyzed, like with ____, what should I do? ⚪ Believe. Care. Don’t retreat to protect yourself. There’s no fruit there. 🟢 Lazy. ⚪ Unbelieving. 🟢 Faithless. ⚪ Untrusting. Believe in me, in every interaction. And see fruit. 🟢 I will.
• ____ shouldn’t have done that. ⚪ Why does this bother you? 🟢 Just makes me tired, like I have to get involved. Oh, I don’t! ⚪ Bingo. Easy one. 🟢 You’re awesome.
• ____ are fruitless. ⚪ Why does that hurt? 🟢 Long battle. Not sure I’m right. ⚪ You’re not right? 🟢 Judgemental. ⚪ Hmm. How are you supposed to assess? 🟢 By their fruit. ⚪ And? 🟢 You want me to address this, right? ⚪ I smell unbelief and self protection. 🟢 I’m on it.
• ____ says about whatever initiative I’m leading: if the people wanted to that they would be doing it already. ⚪ Let it go. I didn’t say that. It’s not from me. Can you imagine: “if people wanted to be disciples they would be” or “if kids wanted to obey they would”. What is that? 🟢 People need encouragement. They need the gospel. Faith comes from hearing. I let it go. It’s not true. I break the curse in Jesus’ name. It’s a lie! It’s a self protecting lie. People do want to follow you, because you made them to. Bah! I reject the lie.
• I keep changing my mind. ⚪ I thought you were enjoying creating this with me. 🟢 I am. So much fun. Just getting restless. ⚪ Unbelief. Say it. 🟢 Unbelief. I admit. Finishing touches. Looking good. Learning journey. All necessary.
• ____ keeps changing his mind on the discipleship method. ⚪ Unbelief. The oxymoron. If he would just hold steady. But he can’t, because he’s put his faith in systems of content delivery. He needs to let it go and just make disciples. His structures are not his gifting.
• The prayer meeting was uninspiring. ⚪ Why does this kill your faith!? 🟢 Seems so hopeless. Great people. Spirit filled. Obedient. Lovely. Nothing. ⚪ Whoa. Whoa. What!? 🟢 Weird, hurting, judgemental, normal people. ⚪ You think the Asbury people had more faith, or were more righteous? 🟢 No… Maybe… ⚪ You have the tail wagging the dog, contrary to your own thinking. 🟢 It’s about obedience and faith. ⚪ Yes, Doug. All day long.