Did you ever see the The Princess Bride quote on the word “inconceivable”: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

In italics, I’ve copy/pasted what the US government says on the IRS website. Underneath each of their 14 criteria, I’ve contrasted their view with the early church.

Certain characteristics are generally attributed to churches. These attributes of a church have been developed by the IRS and by court decisions. They include:

1. Distinct legal existence
   • No legal existence
     • In fact, “The kings of the earth rise up and the rulers band together against the Lord and against his anointed one. Indeed Herod and Pontius Pilate met together with the Gentiles and the people of Israel in this city to conspire against your holy servant Jesus”, whom you anointed.” – Acts 4:26-28
2. Recognized creed and form of worship
   • No creed
     • “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.” Colossians 2:8
   • Various forms
     • “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10
3. Definite and distinct ecclesiastical government
   • Yes, if they mean elders
     • “The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching.” – 1 Timothy 5:17
4. Formal code of doctrine and discipline
   • No code
     • “But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.” – Romans 7:6
5. Distinct religious history
   • Yes, Jesus
     • “Fellow Israelites, listen to this: Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know.” – Acts 2:22
6. Membership not associated with any other church or denomination
   • Not members of a denomination, but of Christ
     • “This mystery is that through the gospel the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel, members together of one body, and sharers together in the promise in Christ Jesus.” – Ephesians 3:6
7. Organization of ordained ministers
   • No organization of ordination, just appointments
     • “The reason I left you in Crete was that you might put in order what was left unfinished and appoint elders in every town, as I directed you.” – Titus 1:5
8. Ordained ministers selected after completing prescribed courses of study
   • Not about study, but behaviour
     • “Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.  (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap.” – 1 Timothy 3:1-7
9. Literature of its own
   • The letters (no gospels yet)
     • “After this letter has been read to you, see that it is also read in the church of the Laodiceans and that you in turn read the letter from Laodicea.” – Colossians 4:16
10. Established places of worship
    • Houses
      • “But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off both men and women and put them in prison. – Acts 8:3
11. Regular congregations
    • Homes
      • Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier—and to the church that meets in your home” – Philemon 1:2
12. Regular religious services
    • Maybe or maybe not.
      • “Greet also the church that meets at their house.” – Romans 16:5. The Greek just says “the church at their house”. The word “meets” was inserted by translators. Maybe they just did life together.
13. Sunday schools for the religious instruction of the young
    • One verse mentions “study” in the New Testament
      • “You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.” – John 5:39-40
14. Schools for the preparation of its members
    • Preparation via obedience
      • “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.” – 2 Timothy 2:20-21